big news...ok more like huge news

I am now engaged to the absolute sweetest guy I have ever met. Since day one, there has been something special about him. The way he knows how to make me feel like im the only one in the room worth even looking at, that im the special in every way. I would be lying if I said I wanted something more than this because honestly I have never wanted anything more in my entire life. We had been planning to go out on monday to celebrate finals being over, the plan was to eat dinner at some really nice restaurant and then from there go see the tree on Monument circle. Little did I know, that walking to the Circle in super heavy snow in my heels would lead to the sweetest and most memorable moment of my life. When we got there we walked around the entire tree then stepped into the door-way to get out of the snow for a minute...next thing hes down on his knee with the most beautiful ring I have ever seen in his hand looking up at me with his gorgeous eyes...and Im sure you can guess the rest. It was a wonderful night, one that I will never forget as long as I live :) Just thought I would share such a special moment of my life with you all! :)

control

I am finally at that point during the semester where everything is over and all I can do is sit and wait to see the "fruits of my labor" (so to speak)...luckily for me, my teachers were on top of the grading and I already know I passed all of my classes. I am just thankful for the fact that a majority of my classes had a ridiculously large curve! There are not many things in life that we have control of. Sometimes we have control for so long we take it for granted, other times we want it for so long that we don't realize it when we finally get it. Every so often I try to sit back and take a good look at my life and the people in it. For the past year or so every time I have taken this inventory, if nothing else, I have remained very thankful for the people that I have in my life. This has probably been mentioned in my blog more times than I care to count, but certain people come and go with little impact on your life...others leave such an impact that if they left, even for a brief period, you would feel the effects. The main people that keep me grounded are my family, my best friend, and my fiance :). These are the people that eventhough I talk to often, they are the ones I lean on the most when I feel like my life has gotten totally out of control. I love them dearly and wouldnt have it any other way!

some people...

Recently I have just had so much piled on me that I feel overwhelmed, but at the same time I look around at other people I know and it seems like compaired to them I have it easy. I have a roof over my head, wonderful friends, am in love with a wonderful guy, and have a family that cares for me. So, for now I just want to talk about something a little less serious. This semester while driving home I have seen people doing the strangest things...everything from a grown (maybe 26 year old man) sucking his thumb (while driving of course) to a man picking his nose and eating whatever treasure he found in there. Which leaves me to wonder only one thing...do people think that when they get into their car that somehow they are shielded from other people being able to see what they are doing? Or, is it that they simply don't care because the likelyhood that they will see someone they know is slim to none? Well, if it is the first one, let me be the first to inform them that the real world is not like a cartoon where you can get into an invisible car and be completely unseen from the outside world. Sometimes I just sit back and wonder, would these people really do this stuff if they knew so many people noticed? Don't get me wrong, I have certainly done my fair share of weird things while I was in the car...making funny faces, overly-dramatically singing along with songs on the radio, etc. but come on, isnt there a line? haha I mean, if it is something that you wouldnt tell your friends you do maybe it's best that it doesn't leave your house...no matter how invisible you think you are in your car. :) People do strange things every day and its these strange things that make us essentially who we are. So, next time you are riding in the car take a glance around at some of these people and think about how many of them would not be doing that same thing if they had a passenger in the car with them. [: just something to think about lol until next time,
B

just wondering...

why is it that the more you bend over backwards to make people the thinner they want to stretch you. there is so much to do, but so little time and i feel like there is never enough time in the day tou get everything done...granted there are so many more people that have more going on than i do, but honestly i dont know how they do it. sometimes it just seems like no matter what i do i can never make everyone happy. i dont know. some days i look at my life and think "how in the world did i get so lucky for every element of my life to go hand-in-hand?" and other times i just want to ask "why?" but i know all of this crap will be worth it once i finally figure out what i want to do with my life and establish myself as a professional. im practically already counting down the days until im finally out of school for good and my only concern is my family and friends and my career. to me it just seems like that day cant come soon enough. sometimes its overwhelming, but any time i feel too stressed i take a second to stop and think about what my future WILL be like if i just stick with it and get done...and its worth it. so for now i guess ill just keep doing what im doing, being stretched too thin, bending over backwards to please everyone even though sometimes i dont succeed in making anyone completely happy, and just skip forward to when i know its gonna be great. until next time, remember...no matter what, if you stick to what you need to do you will make it through :)

life as i know it...

there are so many things that are unsure. like what i want to do with my life...or what i want to be when i grow up. i have absolutely no idea what i want out of life. all i know is that i want to become successful at whatever it is i decide to do, and to have a great family of my own. thats prettymuch the only thing that i am sure about at this point. school has just become another one of those things that im only doing because i know its what i need to/should do...not that i enjoy it or even slightly like it because the truth is that i HATE it! obviously education is one of the most valuable things a person can have, and not everyone has the opportunity to have a great education; but, i still would rather just skip this stage in my life and just head straight for the success/working part. needless to say, uncertainty is basically the recurring theme for my life lately and i cant wait til its finally over. i would love to just wake up one day and find myself sleeping beside the man of my dreams (as my husband)...waking up in a room right down the hall from my beautiful children, get ready for the day and go to my dream job...basically just skip all of this uncertainty. i know, not realistic, but one could wish right!? also, knowing where i stand would be great too...just sayin! thats all for now, i just had to get it off my chest :)

well...life...its just a game of up and down

if nothing else, the one thing i have learned over the past few months is that life is a game of up and down. positions of power come and go, moods change, and relationships form and fall apart. when you start school, you are the young one, the freshman, the little guy...then you grow up to be the top dog, the senior, the big man on campus. same with a job...if you stick with it long enough you begin by being the little guy and someday hopefully become the boss. moods, some days you feel like you are on top of the world, and the next you can feel like there is nothing that can make you less miserable. and finally relationships, you can be so close to someone one minute, and the next you feel as though you barely know them. these are just the facts of life, and no matter how much we may want to, there is really no way to change that. in the past few months i have experienced the good and bad of a lot of things, but overall i would say that i have ended up on top. yea there are things in my life that i dont like and would change in a heartbeat if i could, but everything happens for a reason and i will always take the good with the bad. the one thing i dont like is the fact that for the next month or so i will have practically NO social life...but the upside is that i will hopefully make enough that i will not have to work for the rest of the year elsewhere. also, i really dont want to go on vacation for almost 2 weeks...i know that from afar that sounds extremely ungreatful, but my thing is i would be perfectly happy staying at home enjoying a relaxing end of my summer with the people that i love and all of my friends. it feels like i have already let a month of summer go by doing practically nothing and i am fine with that, i just wish i had more time to just spend hanging out enjoying life instead of worrying about every little detail. but i just look at it this way, in a few short years i will be done with school and finally start a career and a family. i am looking forward to the day when my life is finally settled into a routine and when i am finally doing things on my own (or with the help of hopefully a husband haha) but more than anything i am looking forward to the day when i dont have to explain myslef to everyone and their mom about the decisions i make. then the only one i have to explain myslef to will be my significant other...these are the things that i am excited for (but that i am not rushing) because after all, good things come to those who wait :) so hopefully this didnt seem emo, because that is not how i meant it to be. if anything i want it to be a message that chances are you feel the same way sometimes and i just wanted to say how i was feeling so that hopefully you dont feel alone on your train of thought (:

spring

i cant even begin to describe how happy i am that it is spring time once again. this means...shorts, tank tops, flip flops, etc. i love this weather and i am so glad that it is just that much closer to summer...that much closer to working again, making money again, taking a break from school again. right now there is not really much happening in my life that is that interesting. just school, as usual. counting down the days til i am done with classes for the summer. my birthday is only 6 days away!!! i really dont have much planned, just hanging out with friends and family, but that is always the best way to spend my birthday. other than that, life is pretty boring. i kindof wish it seemed more hectic because i just feel like i havent been doing anyting lately...or maybe i have just gotten so used to the chaos that any minute extra that i have, i feel like it is wasted because im not doing something with my time.

way past due

i have not been on here in so long that i feel like there is too much to talk about. so, i am going to try to get back into writing a lot more often. plus if im going to keep in touch with my aunt through here i will have a lot of writing to do.

first things first, family is so wishy washy lately. i love them all, but there are times that everything my family does irritates me especially the family that i live with day in and day out, but im sure that is to be expected from someone my age. i have always gone with the flow and gone above and beyond what is expected of me to make my life easier, and i expect that in return i will be rewarded which is what has happened a lot recently...making life a lot more enjoyable haha. in other family health news last time i wrote my grandpa wasnt doing too well, but he has turned around and is feeling a lot better. his prognosis is not any better than the last time, but it has gotten a lot more comfortable for him, and he is living his life to the fullest while he still has time which is great. also, my aunt took a very big step on the path to a healthier life. her sergery went well, and i am proud of her for devoting so much effort to making her lifestyle changes :) way to go!

in other news, friends...some are great and some are not so great. my bestie, tiara, is still the greatest friend i could ever ask for. i know she always has and always will be the best friend i have ever had. newer great friends like my friend, courtney, who i have gotten close to lately always helps make my break in classes on mondays suck a lot less :) in the not so great category, a certain someone has been a complete jerk lately and has even gone as far as to say that i lead him on...which was never the case considering he knew the deal from the very beginning, but that is beside the point. i am so over it, and when he gets over it i will be here but for right now he's pissing me off so im enjoying the break. normally no i would not be childish and write stuff like this behind his back, but come on...he asked for it when he decided to write a bunch of crypitc crappy status' on facebook like i didnt know exactly who they were directed at. GROW UP!

relationship news...for a little bit it was kind of rocky, but things are looking up. im not really going to go into detail because i dont want to jinx anything before it has a chance to happen because i really want this to work out for a long time and i think the best way to do that is to just take things as they come and live day by day. its always an adventure. but the one thing that i will say is that i have never felt this way. :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

thats all for now, but im sure there will be a lot more to come when i dont feel so overwhelmed with so many things.

so far so great...for the most part

so it has been forever since i have been on here to write, and i kind of miss it. there has been so many things that have been going on in my life lately. my time has been eaten up with many different things recently. school and relationships are the two things that i have been focusing most on. these relationships include family, friends, and my boyfriend. first things first, school is basically aweful so far this semester...today was the first day in a long time where i have actually felt on top of things when it comes to school. i am overwhelmed with not only the number of credit hours that i have chosen to pile on myself, but also the level of classes im taking. yea i could have chosen to take some "blow-off" classes, but i chose to challenge myself...sometimes i regret it, but at the same time i know that i will get through it and that when i do i will be a stronger, better person because of it. i have never cried about being so stressed from school, that is until last night but today turned it all around and im all better now. school will always have its ups and downs. i cant wait to finally be done in a couple years but i refuse to let it make me miserable while i still have to be in school.

as far as relationships go i will start with family. because of school, family has kind of taken a back seat, and i feel bad that i have not had enough time for some of my family members lately but soon enough it will be summer and i will have all the time i could want to spend with them again finally. however, the family members that i am in contact with all the time are driving me crazy at the moment. a lot of finger pointing and controlling can be enough to make me wish i moved out a long time ago. i know i have it good here, but sometimes i just wish that i could be out on my own...is that really too much to ask for?

for friendships...i still and always will have the best friend ever! she is always there to listen to my crap or to console me when im having a hard time. i could never thank her enough for being there for me. she is coming up this weekend and i cant wait to get lunch with her and be able to finally catch up face to face. it hasnt really been that long since i got to see her, but it feels like forever sometimes! thank you so much T for EVERYTHING! :)

for my boyfriend, things are going great! i dont think i have ever met someone who has made me so happy (of course friends do, but im sure you know what i mean...as far as boyfriends go:)) i dont know how i got so lucky to find him but it makes me smile every time i think about how we are together and where i could see us going. im glad to have him in my life...i really havent stopped smiling in over three months! :) :) :)